| Yow Berra Not by Jack Yown ad yer marmalade toast, nice an' 'ot,
An a drap in yer tay, 'o' yow know wot,
It warms yer bally the mornin' through,
So pull on yer boots, they'm rarin' ter goo.
They'm owter the doower afower yer con blink,
Rayn, frost or snow, tees pair wow shrink,
Frum teckin their run, in the fresh mornin' air,
Burr owbout me? Ar dow think they care.
So a big coot keeps owt the moost o' the cowd,
(Dow reely need it, ar bay that owd),
'Now teck yer time, yow pair' ar say,
'I aye got fower legs saerme as thay'.
But thay'm off like a shot (or two shots) from a gun,
Runnin' an' scrappin' an' 'avin' their fun,
Then is down ter sum serious sniffin' ar see,
An' ar bay sayin' wot 'Ben' allis duz up that tree.
It's early mornin', the newspaper lad,
They run ter greet 'im, their tails gooin' mad,
Ee mecks a fuss, then goz on his round,
They'm back ter the goalmouth, an' the puddle they found.
The gulls on the crossbar am eight feet 'igh,
But thay dow teck chances, away they fly,
Wile them pair am paddlin' an 'avin' a drink,
Arm sot on a bonk, for a smoke an' a think.
Arm thinkin' thode dutch, erl be throwin a fit,
Wen 'er seez their feet all covered in shmuck,
Best walk in sum lung grass on the way back,
Cos if 'ers dun the kitchen, yow'm in fer a smack.
If the flooers bin mopped, yow daren't goo near,
Er 'ears yer cummin', 'Dow yow dare cum in ere'.
So we sit up the yard till iss awl dried out,
The dogs look as if ter say 'woss it abowt?'
'Dow goo in theer yet, owd pals' ar say,
'Cos 'ers watchin' as if ter say 'goo on, meck mar day',
Wi' that mop in 'er 'ond 'ers a fearsum sight,
A 'she' Dirty 'arry, wi' a rotweilers bite.
So if yer think term ard, (medder sterner stuff),
Just try it owd pal, one footprint's enuff,
An' wen yown lying theer flat on yer back,
A nuss erl cum round, 'how yer feel terday, Jack?'
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