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Eli and Hitler
by
Albert Sargent 1943
Now they had just called out time at the local,
And Eli got up to goo 'um,
He left there a little bit puzzled
With 10 pints and two drops of rum.
All night they'd been talking about Hitler
And Eli he liked a good joke.
He'd told all his mates what he'd like to do
To the 'so and so' square headed bloke.
He tumbled along down the little dark lane
He felt as blind as a bat.
He'd just got his hand on the door of his house
When he tumbled right over the cat.
He lay on the floor just like a log,
He opened his peepers to see,
A bloke standing in a posh Nazi suit
It was Hitler as plain as could be.
"Now Eli", growled Adolph in real savage tones,
"I don't want to get yoh in trouble.
I have come here to take King George's Crown,
So out of the road at the double".
But Eli remembered what he'd like to do
So up he came with his fist,
Before Adolph could get back his breath
Eli tied a shoe lace round his wrist.
"In time" bawled Eli "yoh made me a slave,
Now it's my time to call out the tune.
You can tek off your coat, roll up your sleeves
And shift Baggeridge pit bonk with a spoon".
Poor Adolph he'd pleaded for pardon,
But he needn't have bothered to ask.
With the rock of black wall crawling over his eye,
He started the long lasting task.
The Mayor riding by on his second hand bike,
He started to ask "what's the fun?".
With a cold glassy stare he walked up and then said
"Now Eli what's this yoh have done?"
"I have captured the Fuhrer" said Eli with pride
"And ain't a moment too soon,
and I have brought some snap to last him until
He's shifted pit bonk with a spoon".
The Mayor was as pleased as a dog with two tails,
He almost gave Eli a kiss.
He jumped on his bike and turned round and said
"I'll tell the authorities this".
Then round came the Earl on a lovely white hoss,
At 25mins past noon.
"How's the Fuhrer?" he asked and Eli replied
"He's still shifting Pit Bonk with a spoon".
The King hurried round to our Eli,
And this is surely the best.
"Now if you come down to palace a fortnight today
I'll pin the V.C. on your chest".
Eli went down in his best Sunday clothes
He'd purchased that very same day,
"Come in" said the King "and sit yourself down
The Queen's just making some tay".
Eli sat down on a lovely settee
He'd almost started to swoon,
"How's Adolph?" asked King and Eli replied
"He's still shifting Pit Bonk with a spoon".
As Eli was taking the medal from King
He'd just cleaned his hands with his spit.
When he heard his Misses come bawling upstairs -
"GET UP - you'll be late for the pit".
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